When I first starting posting photos of Kendall to instagram, one of my favourite captions and hashtags was #KendallsThoughts to match her over dramatic expressions and personality. Even today, my sister and I will use #KendallsThoughts (or even #RichsThoughts) in our group chats when I make them do something ridiculous and their expressions are less than enthusiastic. Which has led me to this idea – for what I hope is a funny series and glimpse into our daily lives though #KendallsThoughts …
The Weekend Edition
The Morning Struggle
7:00 am: Shit. I’ve overslept. Mom. Mom. Wake up. It’s so late. Oh my god I might never eat again. I’ve missed breakfast. Oh my god. Mooommmm. Get up! It’s an emergency. Oh good, you’re up. Yes kitchen, that’s right. As you’ll see there’s no food in my bowl. Oh my god, you’re picking up my bowl. It’s happening!!! Thanks, you can leave now.
7:10 am: That. Was. Delicious.
7:11 am: Um Mom you’re in my spot. I sleep there. You move over there. Fine, I’ll snuggle with Dad.
9:00 am: Someone’s moving. What’s that noise? Is it breakfast time? Maybe that first time was a dream? Shit. I have to pee. Oh shit, I really gotta go. Dad. Dad. Dad. Wake up. Yes, get Mom. Good job. Mom. Hi. Get up. Yes, I’m crying, I gotta gooo.
9:07 am: Great job, out the bed that’s right. What’s that, why are you stopping? What’s on your face? You look weird. I’ll just help you to the door. One foot in front of the other. Yes. Shoes. Do that. But you know can you hurry? Gotta pee.
9:09 am: Whooaaa it’s cold. Nope, don’t like this. Let’s run! Yaassss we’re running. I love running. So much fun! Running. Running. Running. Oh look – grass. Shit, yeah, gotta pee. Ohhh that’s good.
9:10 am: Nope, that’s it Mom. Let’s go, I’m cold. But I don’t want to go number two, it’s embarrassingggg. Ugh, Mom. You’re the worst. Okay if I’m gonna do it, we need to go over there in the bush and hide so no one knows what I’m doing. Yes, that bush. Actually no, maybe that bush. That one? Maybe just try the first one again.
9:17 am: Yes. This is the one.
9:20 am: Ahhhhh warmth. Oh. Breakfast! Damn, nothing in my bowl. Maybe that wasn’t a dream earlier. Crap, I left Mom by the treats. Good she’s slow. Yes, treat. Thanks.
9:25 am: What are you doing? Whatcha got there? I see you have two, is one of them for me? Where you going? Come back. Mom wait.
9:26 am: Dad!! You’re awake. Oh my gosh this is so exciting. I’m going to get you a toy. Don’t move. Where’s my toy? Not that one. No, he’s seen that one. Not that one either. Maybe in the other room. Oh yes, found it. Dad. Dad. Dad. Look what I got! I said look not touch! Ugh. No respect for my things.
The Sleep vs. Brunch Dilemma
10:45 am: They’re moving. Just. Too. Sleepy. Fridge! Wait! I’m coming! I’m up! I’m up! Don’t drop anything until I get there!!! Soooo what we cooking?
11:00 am: Eggs. We’re having eggs. Come on Mom pick up my bowl. You know you want too.
11:02 am: Oh my god.
11:06 am: This is so good. I love eggs. They’re so gooing and yummy and I just lick lick lick. Yum. Best. Day. Ever.
11:07 am: Hmm, food baby. Nap time.
11:34 am: Oh we’re moving again. What’s happening in here? Bath? I’ll have a bath. Oh you’re getting in, okay I’ll just lay here and wait.
12:10 pm: Where we going? Um my collar’s there guys. I need that. Can someone put it on me? Um guys? Guys. I’m feeling very left out and it’s making me sad. Mom. Look deep into my eyes. Ah damn. Didn’t work. Wonder what’s on the floor in the kitchen. I’ll just go check while they’re away.
1:10 pm: I thought you’d never come back!! What’s that. Oh that smells good. Is that chicken for me? Carrots? Anything? I’ll take anything, I’m starving.
The Weekend Drive
1:30 pm: Hey, that’s my stuff. Car ride? Yes! Where we going? Who we seeing? Are we going to get more chicken?
1:45 pm: Hmm wind in my face. Smell those smells they smell so good. Squirrel! That looks familiar. Oh so does that. And that. And that. Wait. Dad stop the car. Oh my god. We’re at the park. My favourite park. I’ll get out here, this is fine, thanks. No Dad really you can stop driving, I’m faster. Ugh, what are you doing already just stop the car. Oh we’re slowing down. Yes. Let’s get out. No we’re moving again. This is torture.
1:48 pm: Maybe if I cry they’re let me out? Nope. Didn’t work. Oh we’re stopping. Mom’s moving. Dad’s moving. This is it!
1:50 pm: Why are you walking so slow – let’s go!!! Yes, that smell. And that smell. Oh and that one. I’ll just pee on them all so people know I was here.
2:11 pm: Ahhh yes, yes, yes. Click. FREEEEEDDOOOMM.
4:30 pm: Why are you sitting down? I’m not even tired. Ugh Mom stop patting me, you’re smothering…oh you’re going in your bag, I’ll just sit because that’s where the treats are. That’s not a treat, oh my bowl! Food time?! Water!! I’m not even tired or thirsty, but you know it would be rude…
4:35 pm: Where’d you come from Dad? Oh you got me a beer, that’s so refreshing can you just put that in my bowl. No stop drinking it.
4:37 pm: Guys I’m over this. I lied, I’m tired and I want to go home and lay down. No I can’t just lay down anywhere – I’m not a peasant! I’ll just sit here and stare at you until you decide that I’m right. Because I’m always right. You’re human, you know nothing.
4:42 pm: I smell food. Where’s the food? Oh the lady with the food is coming toward me. It’s all for me! I’m just really politely going to jump on her so she knows who’s boss — ahhhh, Dad let go. Let me go.
4:43 pm: Right, okay. Food’s on the table. I can still get some of that. Engage puppy dog eyes.
4:45 pm: This is taking too long. Engage annoying whimper.
4:46 pm: Damn. They’re getting wise to my tricks. Defcon 5. Super pathetic cry that they hate. Persistence is key.
4:47 pm: Dad. Look at my eyes. See my drool. Listen to my cries.
4:50 pm: VICTORY!!!
4:52 pm: If they caved once, they’ll do it again. Focus on the food. Head in the game. Stare. Them. Down.
5:00 pm: And we’re up, we’re moving. Let’s go in the magic building where all the food and beer lives. Kay, maybe next time. The cars fun too.
The Sleepy Aftermath
5:08 pm: I’m not a sleepyhead Mom, you’re a sleepyhead. You sshh, I’m just laying because it’s comfortable and…
5:30 pm: How’d we get here? I wonder if the food fairies came?
5:33 pm: Gotta get to the bowl before anyone else steals it. Damn. No food. Mom, there’s no food in my bowl, can you do something about that? No don’t sit. Quick Dad, food. Noo don’t sit next to her. Maybe I’ll just check my bowl again.
5:40 pm: So what are we gonna watch? Oh I see we’ve settled on football, that’s nice I might just close my eyes but I’m not tired.
The Pesky Internal Clock
6:20 pm: It’s time. Look alive Kendall – it’s time! Mom it’s time. The time has come. What do you mean I have 10 minutes?! This is ludicrous. I demand you feed me right this minute. And if you don’t I will jump on you and wipe my drool on your new sweater. Don’t believe me? Watch this…
6:25 pm: That’s what I thought.
6:30 pm: Yes I was a hungry puppy and now I’m a tired puppy so please shut up.
7:45 pm: Hmmmm…what’s that! I’m up! I’m up! Oh Mom’s in the kitchen that’s good news.
The Begging Hour
7:50 pm: If I just sit here and wait long enough, she’ll drop something, she’s so clumsy.
7:59 pm: Me! Yes! Yum. And wait some more.
8:15 pm: Good idea Mom, you put that food on the table and I’ll just watch this food for you over here to make sure nothing happens. Oh. Oh, you’re just going to take it all, okay. I see how it is.
8:30 pm: You guys are so boring. I’m just gonna close my eyes for a minute….
10:00 pm: Huh? What? I didn’t do it. Oh yeah, I could go out. Let’s be quick though, I was just in the middle of a really delicious dream bone.
10:15 pm: Kay goodnight parents, you did a good job today but you’re being annoying now. Can’t we just all go to bed together? Pleeasssseeeeeee
10:17 pm: Fine. I will stop crying, I’ll just go to bed all by myself and don’t even think of waking me up later because it is past your bedtime.
11:42 pm: Ugh. I said not to wake me. Fine. Get in and go to sleep. Sigh. Huff. Snooze.